


Does Lonileness Ever Truly End?

by MidnightsDeath



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, First story, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, I AM SORRY, It is bad, M/M, Sad Ending, binu is sort of hinted at, insecure Jinwoo, just a little, non-idols, three of them are in a band
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-11-02 01:18:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10933983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightsDeath/pseuds/MidnightsDeath
Summary: Jinwoo was lonely. He just wanted to feel happy for once... Maybe the mystery audience member can be his cure. You know, if Jinwoo would acually talk to him.





	Does Lonileness Ever Truly End?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vonseal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vonseal/gifts).



 

People thought Jinwoo was happy. He was actually known for being happy. Everyone thought of him as the guy who always had a smile on his face. He was known as the ‘Smiley One’ at work and school. His band mates called him so many variations of cheerful that he actually lost count. He would laugh and tell jokes. He would listen to what people said and respond with a smile. He made everyone else happy, but he could only fake his own smile. He was glad they thought of him as happy, but he was never truly happy. He felt so lonely. No matter the amount of friends he had or the person he dated, no one could ever erase the feelings of loneliness in Jinwoo.

He never understood why he felt so lonely. He had a lot of friends, his family loved him, and he even had a blog online with quite a few followers. In all sense of the words, Jinwoo was never alone. He started to believe that his loneliness would never go away. He learned to live with it for years. From high school to university, that loneliness was ever present in Jinwoo’s heart.

During his junior year at University in California everything began to change in Jinwoo’s life. His band picked up the habit of practicing/performing in the bright courtyard at the center of campus. They would set up around four in the afternoon and play well past the time where the lamps would kick on. They practiced twice a week. It was only part of the way through the year when Jinwoo took notice of another constant in that courtyard. This constant was a young guy who appeared to be around twenty-two.

This mysterious guy sat on the stone bench, with a packed box lunch box, and the same stoic look as he watched the people around him. Something about that dull expression made Jinwoo want nothing more than to run up to this stranger and make him smile. Maybe it was because Jinwoo felt obliged to make others smile or maybe it was because Jinwoo found this particular new person extremely cute. Either way Jinwoo started to watch out for the man everyday, and everyday he would find him.

Jinwoo grew attached to the figure sitting off to the side. He noticed every little trait and every physical detail. Soft, shaggy brown hair, large brown eyes, short stature, and the most adorable face Jinwoo had ever seen created the permanent audience member. He started to worry he spent more time staring at the other male than he did actually paying attention to Dongmin and Sanha. They didn’t really say anything until about a month later.

“Jinwoo, where have you been lately?” Dongmin sat in front of the blond at the table in the food court as they waited for Sanha to get there after high school. Confusion spread across Jinwoo’s face. Dongmin just raised an eyebrow and waited for a response.

“I have been here all the time, Minnie…” The nickname slipped out easily and was greeted with a huff of annoyance. Jinwoo ran a hand through his bleached hair to removed it from his eyes.

“It is Dongmin, not Minnie, and yes you have been here physically. Mentally, you have been all the way to across the world. We have a competition soon, and our drummer can’t even finish a song without his thoughts wandering off.” Dongmin didn’t glare. He never glared. His face was almost always neutral, but not right then. He looked pissed. He was glaring, and it scared the older man it was directed at.

“Look, Dongmin, I am trying. It’s just…” Jinwoo sighed and tried to think of a way to explain himself. He couldn’t just say he was ogling some guy he never spoke to. He wasn’t sure how the others would take it. Sure they were not in Korea anymore, and things were more open here, but Jinwoo was still scared. It was so frowned upon in Korea that Jinwoo couldn’t just get over being afraid. “I’ve just had somethings on my mind. I’m sorry. I will try harder.”

A small sigh left the younger boys lips. “Jinwoo, look at me.” Worried, dark eyes looked up at the man in front of him. Dongmin was gorgeous. His skin was flawless, his smile was stunning, and his eyes were beautiful. Everyone could see it, but it wasn’t just outside. He was a great person inside as well. The only flaws in him were his temper, cold demeanor at times, and his anxiety of not living up to the expectations placed on him.

Jinwoo snapped out of his thoughts when he realized Dongmin had actually been talking to him. He blushed in embarrassment. “Sorry, could you repeat yourself?”

Dongmin groaned and was about to speak when he was interrupted by a very familiar high pitched voice screaming. “Hyungs!”

Jinwoo and Dongmin both jumped and looked over at Sanha as he ran up to them. He tripped over the chair next to them and almost fell. He righted himself and started to bounce lightly in place. He was flailing his arms a bit as the two older males watched him. He still wasn’t really talking. It was more like babbling that neither of them could understand. Sanha looked like a mess of long limbs and bright smiles.

The youngest was speaking so loudly he was gaining the attention of almost everyone in the room. Dongmin glanced around before hushing the hyper teen. “Sanha, Sanha! Remember what I told you before. Use your inside voice. Now sit down and start again.”

As the high school student sat down, Dongmin apologized to the people around them before looking at Sanha. “I made a new friend on my way here. His name is Minhyuk and I invited him to watch us tonight. He goes to school with me, too. He is so cool. You will love him. I already know you will, especially you Jinwoo-hyung. I am so excited for you to meet him…”

A small smile broke out over the faces of the two older men as they listened to the excited younger. He continued talking about Minhyuk as Jinwoo’s thoughts wandered to the other person who would be present at the practice in the courtyard. He was going to be there since it was a Tuesday. Most likely he was already out there. He glanced out the window at the sky. It was starting to get cloudy. He hoped it didn’t start raining today.

The rain held off for that evening so the band was able to practice. Jinwoo met Minhyuk, and it actually drew his attention back to his music. He was able to successfully ignore the presence sitting on the stone bench for most of the practice. He felt proud of himself for that. With new found determination, Jinwoo tried his best to focus on his music and not on the guy who was always sitting alone in the courtyard. He was able to succeed for almost three weeks. He only failed because something changed.

There were now two people sitting on the stone bench. There was the one who’s name Jinwoo didn’t even know, and then there was someone who’s soft eye smile and puppy like features stuck in his mind. He could not remember who it was until Dongmin said a name in surprise when he spotted the new addition. “Bin!?”

As soon as the name left his mouth, Jinwoo could tell Dongmin regretted it, in case he was wrong, as two pairs of eyes fell on the singer. One set seemed unfazed while the other was just as surprised as Dongmin. A smile replaced the surprise as Bin stood. In a flash, he was hugging Dongmin closely. “I didn’t know you were here.”

Jinwoo’s eyes never left the boy now sitting alone. He studied the way the smile that was on the boy’s face disappeared almost instantly. Jinwoo understood too well. Many times his own smile was just for show so he could recognize a fake one easily. It never lasted long when it didn’t need to be kept up. Jinwoo looked over at Bin and Dongmin. They had not seen Bin since they all lived in Seoul. Bin and Dongmin were always closer than anyone else, so Jinwoo chose not to interrupt them. He looked back over at the bench, but the guy was gone.

~~~

He was back the next day. Alone again since Bin had started to spend his time with Dongmin instead. It left Jinwoo in a weird mood in which his loneliness grew worse. Sanha spent time with Minhyuk since they went to school together, and Bin took up Dongmin’s time now, then there was Jinwoo. He didn’t really have someone he was especially close to. He spent some time with a few other friends from classes, but the loneliness was only getting worse, but the only time all three met up was practice for a few hours twice a week.

Jinwoo began to feel like a fifth wheel in every situation he was in. It was getting so bad, he would make up excuses to avoid all of his friends. He couldn’t escape them forever though. He was eventually dragged into spending time with Bin and Dongmin during lunch a week later. He was trying to tune out their conversation until something snagged in his mind. “What did you say?”

Bin looked at him in surprise. “Uh, I was saying that my friend needs more friends. I mean he doesn’t really talk to anyone. He is a nice person, just doesn’t seem to try. He always keeps to himself. He always says if he doesn’t try he can’t fail.”

Dongmin nodded in agreement. “When you told me he was the literal definition of sunshine, I wasn’t sure what to think. Now I know what you mean, but to me he is overcast.” He looked between the two as they stared at him to get him to explain more. “Like his smile is clouded. He is not truly happy no matter how much he smiles.”

“Who exactly are you talking about?”

Bin seemed to perk up instantly. “Myungjun. My friend from English class I mentioned. He normally sits around campus by himself. I am sure you’ve seen.”

Dongmin scoffed slightly before saying, “I know he has seen Myungjun.” The smirk dancing just below the surface of Dongmin’s eyes frightened Jinwoo. He had seen that smirk before. It meant Dongmin knew something Jinwoo didn’t and planned to use it against him.

As Bin opened his mouth to ask something, Dongmin leaned over and whispered to him. Surprise, joy, and excitement flash across Bin’s face in the short time the words were exchanged. When Dongmin pulled away, Bin just sat smiling at Jinwoo. A silence stretched on between them, and it was making Jinwoo uncomfortable as the other two just stared him. He watched the two in front of him glance at each other. Without an exchange of words, they seemed to come to an agreement. Bin finally opened his mouth to talk. “Myungjun was the guy I was sitting with when we ran into each other. He is the one that always sits in that spot when you are practicing.”

Jinwoo was startled by the information. He was not expecting to be able to place a name to the face he had studied every week, but now he could. In all honesty, he didn’t know how to feel. It seemed to make Myungjun real in a way he wasn’t before. Maybe it was the fear his tradition family had created or maybe it was that ever present loneliness, but having a name scared Jinwoo. He knew that it was going to be tough to pretend he didn’t have a chance as an excuse now. He sat in silence for a moment before standing up. “I’m going to take a walk.”

Without waiting for a response, Jinwoo grabbed his bag and headed out the door. He looked around before deciding to just take a walk around campus. He hadn’t really gone out around that time of day before so it felt a bit weird with no one really walking around. He passed the courtyard with the intention of continuing his walk, but something caught his attention.

A sweet voice drifted through the air and shot straight into Jinwoo’s heart. Sitting in his normal spot was Myungjun only he wasn’t watching people as he usually would be. He was humming and tapping his foot to music only he could hear. Jinwoo felt drawn towards Myungjun, and before he knew it he was standing right in front of the spot he was so used to seeing from a distance.

As Myungjun looked up, he jumped in surprise and yelped. “Sorry to surprise you. I just thought I should come talk to you. I’m Jinwoo, by the way.”

A simple nod turned into a beautiful smile as Myungjun returned the greeting. “I know who you are. I am here almost everyday, and Moon Bin has mentioned you a few times. I am Myungjun.”

As soon as the words left Myungjun’s mouth it was like the loneliness Jinwoo always felt had never even existed. The smile on his face felt more real than ever before. “I know who you are too. Bin and Dongmin told me your name. Can I sit with you?”

“I don’t know can you?” Even with the terribly over used joke, Myungjun moved his bag so Jinwoo could sit down. It was a bit awkward at first, but Myungjun decided to break the silence. “You are really good. At the drums I mean. Your band is good in general. I like it.”

Jinwoo raised an eyebrow. “I… Uh, thanks. We would do a bit better if Dongmin could play an instrument while singing. It is just awkward with one drummer and one guitarist.” He glanced over to make sure he wasn’t boring Myungjun, but to his surprise his eyes met instantly with the brown ones he had admired from afar. Red stained both of their cheeks as they quickly looked away.

“Have you looked for another singer then?”

“What?”

“Another singer, so Dongmin can play and you will still have a singer.”

“No, I haven’t. Do you know anyone who can sing?” Jinwoo honestly had never thought of replacing Dongmin as the singer except with Sanha, but he was their guitarist.

“Bin sings. He is pretty good too. At least I think so.” Another brilliant smile was aimed at Jinwoo, and he knew he was already trapped.

~~~

The two continued to talk and spend more time with each other for the next few months. They got closer and the two seemed to really shine around each other. The group of friends became shining stars on campus, and Jinwoo hoped it would last. After class, Dongmin and Jinwoo were headed to the library when they heard two familiar voices.

“Bin, I can’t. You know that.”

“MJ-hyung, please. It should be you, not me, and there is no way he would say no.”

Jinwoo and Dongmin exchanged glances and followed the voices towards the parking lot right around the building. Leaning against Bin’s car were said owner and Myungjun. The latter was biting his bottom lip and looking at his hands. He was hunched over on himself and spoke quietly. “Binnie, I can’t deal with rejection again in both situations. After being rejected as a singer and how my last relationship ended, I can’t just make a dive straight into unknown territory. I may not say it but I am happy with how things are.”

The two eavesdroppers glanced at each other. As they moved to take a step away,  Bin said, “God, Jinwoo would not reject you! He wouldn’t reject your feelings or your singing. You are the best singer I know and the best person I know. Jinwoo would never say no to you.”

Dongmin exchanged one glance with Jinwoo before they both walked out from around the building. The two in front of them were still talking, but Bin snapped his mouth shut quickly when he noticed them. Bin’s eyes were like a deer in a headlight while Myungjun’s eyes only held confusion and then fear. “J-Jinwoo… How long have you been there?”

With only a simple nodded from Jinwoo, Dongmin took Bin’s hand and pulled him away, leaving the other two staring at each other. “Long enough. How long have you liked me, Myungjun?”

Myungjun blushed darkly and looked away. He was nervous and couldn’t figure out how Jinwoo felt. Jinwoo was not at all like himself. He was more stoic and gave no hint of emotion. Myungjun finally mumbled out a response. “I only figured it out about a month ago, but I guess I have liked you since we went to the park. When you bought me ice cream and we just talked, something changed.”

Jinwoo stepped closer and tilted the slightly taller male’s head up. “Myungjun, I have loved you since you first spoke to me. I have liked you since I saw your smile for the first time. I want to be the reason that smile stays on your face.”

A brilliant smile stretched across the entire expanse of Myungjun’s face. Jinwoo hugged the other close to him. It felt like the only response that fit. It truly felt like the start of their relationship.

~~~

It took them a few weeks to find the time to actually go on their first official date. Myungjun had a very rough plan, but nothing went right. The waiter brought Jinwoo the wrong food. Myungjun spilled his wine on Jinwoo. They planned to go for a walk, but it started to rain. Everything just continued to go wrong. The movie was sold out. A car splashed both of them in muddy water. Myungjun was feeling more and more aggravated. The tension broke when they finally settled down at a nearby ice cream parlor. They laughed off the rest of the night and enjoyed each other’s company.

 The first time they kissed was like a scene in a cheesy movie. Jinwoo sat at Myungjun’s graduation ceremony with the rest of their friends. Jinwoo was watching the progression of the graduation with anticipation. They were getting so close to calling out Myungjun Kim. The entire group got tense as it got closer. As soon as the name was announced, the entire group screamed loudly. They cheered in Korean as loud as they could. Myungjun just laughed it off as he accepted his diploma.

Jinwoo ran down the stairs as soon as the ceremony was over. He made it to the crowd and sought out his boyfriend. When Jinwoo’s eyes fell on Myungjun, he rushed to the graduate and hugged him. Despite being shorter than Myungjun, Jinwoo easily lifted him in a tight hug. They smiled at each other before there was a kiss on Jinwoo’s cheek. He shook his head and turned Myungjun to give him a proper kiss. Myungjun had been surprised but accepted it and returned it wholeheartedly.

They spent their first night together a year after dating. They moved in together after Jinwoo graduated from University a few months later. Everything for them was going great, but life is never perfect.

For Myungjun’s twenty-fifth birthday, Jinwoo planned to take Myungjun to his favorite restaurant and then to the movies. He made sure Myungjun dressed as nice as possible. When they were both ready, they set out for the restaurant across town. A smile was plastered on Myungjun’s face as he looked around. Since it was such a nice night, he made the choice to walk across town.

They had a great time at the restaurant. They ate good food, laughed a lot, but mostly just enjoyed being with the other. After the restaurant, Jinwoo suggested walking through town a bit to kill time before the movie. After they both agreed, Jinwoo lead them into the downtown area. While the city was large, it was not especially busy at this time of night. The two were walking and talking with the occasional bad joke and laugh thrown in when a crash resounded from an alleyway up ahead.

Jinwoo placed an arm in front of Myungjun and slowed them down. There was no other sound for a minute so they started again, but as soon as they reached the alleyway. Myungjun was grabbed by a man who they had not seen at the edge of the alley. He looked over the two with a glare. Myungjun struggled slightly as Jinwoo went to separate the two. “Sir, please let go of him.”

“I don’t think so,” the man pushed Jinwoo back slightly. The guy was not really being hostile, but his grip was strong, and Myungjun couldn’t get free. He started to panic slightly. He tried a bit harder, and the man started to get angry. He shifted his hold and slammed the smaller male against the wall. “I said no.”

Jinwoo began to panic as well. He finally pushed the man off of Myungjun and stood between them. He looked at his boyfriend. “Are you alright?”

A shaky nodded was the only response he got before Myungjun’s eyes widened. The man had pulled out a gun. “J-Jinwoo…”

Jinwoo looked at the man and held up a hand. “S-Sir, put the gun away. There is no need for that.” He made sure he stood completely in front of Myungjun.

The man laughed. “No need, I think differently. I don’t like your kind. I didn’t know you two were like that until I saw you walking together just now.”

Jinwoo glanced towards the street. He wasn’t sure what to do. They could run, but Myungjun looked too shaken up. “We just want to go on our way. We won’t-,” he started to speak but was cut off by the man shoving the gun closer to him.

“I wasn’t done speaking.” He didn’t let Jinwoo respond before glancing at Myungjun, “Now you are going to listen.”

Jinwoo nodded and held his hand out. “Okay, okay. We will listen I promise. Go ahead and talk.” He reached towards Myungjun but the man stopped him. He glanced at Myungjun who was shaking in fear. “It’ll be okay.”

“All you faggots are alike. None of you have any backbone. It would just be better if none of you were even born.” The man laughed. He kept the gun level with Jinwoo’s chest. “Maybe I should just fix this problem.”

As the man spoke his hand started to shake. “You know you don’t want to do that.” Jinwoo reached forward to place a hand on the hand holding the gun.

The man flinched away and pulled the trigger without even realizing it. He dropped the gun almost instantly. He looked at the two in fear before he realized what he really did, and he ran. Jinwoo almost felt relieved until a sharp pain twisted in his gut. He placed a hand over the searing pain before his knees went weak, and he fell to them. He barely heard Myungjun scream his name as blood rushed through his ears, and the pain throbbed through his entire body.

Myungjun caught him before he could fall completely. Wide eyes looked at Jinwoo in fear and trembling hands moved the injured man to lay against Myungjun’s chest. He placed one hand over Jinwoo’s to add more pressure to the injury. His other hand was already fumbling with calling emergency services. He was explaining to the person over the phone what had happened, but Jinwoo was just watching Myungjun’s face. He already knew there was almost no hope.

“Myungjun, M-Myungjun, look at me.” Jinwoo smiled as the other looked down at him. That is what he wanted. He wanted Myungjun to be the last thing he saw. He raised one hand before hesitantly placing it on Myungjun’s arm. “I love you.”

“I-I love you too...” Myungjun moved his hands to hold Jinwoo closer. “They are on the way. It’ll be okay.

Jinwoo simply smiled and closed his eyes. “I am glad you are here. You have always been here. I am not lonely anymore. You were my cure for loneliness.”

The tearless sobs that reached Jinwoo’s ears were the only response he got. He opened his eyes and looked at his perfect angel. “I love you. Please keep smiling.” He fell unconscious with the sounds of sirens in the distance.

 Jinwoo was automatically taken into surgery to try and save him when they arrived at the hospital. Myungjun sat in the waiting room with their four closest friends after they arrived. They couldn’t reassure him because they were not even sure. Jinwoo was declared dead at the hospital three hours after they had arrived. When they were told, almost all of the friends let their tears finally fall.

The police asked for the story and details which Myungjun gave with almost no emotion. He remembered everything. The moment was burned into his brain. When he got to get Jinwoo’s belongings, everything hurt even worse. Inside his bag of possessions was a small box. In that box was an engagement ring. Myungjun wore that ring everyday. From that day Myungjun’s smile vanished again. He tried to keep up with pretense of his happy personality around his friends, but he always returned home to an empty apartment with only a sinking feeling of loneliness as company because Jinwoo’s loneliness never went away. It just moved to someone else.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story on here and it was greatly inspired by my own feelings and vonseal's amazing writing. Seriously the best writer. I hope you liked it. I wrote it for an Englsh class at my university. It may be weird because it is a mix of the two different versions I wrote. Also I'm so sorry.


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